


Last Love Lost

by Katblake7



Category: The 100
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24830818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katblake7/pseuds/Katblake7
Summary: Clarke deals with the loss of her soulmate
Relationships: Bellarke - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	Last Love Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I’ve posted my work publicly so I hope everyone likes it! Thank you for taking the time to read!

Clarke took a deep breath and knocked on Madi’s door, opening it slowly. The young girl was perched on her bed, legs crossed. 

“Come in,” Madi said, looking at her hands that were folded in her lap. 

Clarke took another deep breath and crossed the room to her daughter. She had grown up so much in the few years she had known her. Madi’s face was beginning to look like that of a young woman, strong and confident. Yet here she was, so small and pale against the dark shadows of the room. 

“Hey,” Clarke whispered, grabbing Madi’s hands in hers. “You okay?”

Madi was silent for a moment, breathing heavily. Tears began to fall from her eyes. The young girl took a hand from Clarke’s and swiped at her cheeks. Clarke could tell that she was frustrated at the fact that she was crying. 

“Madi, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let it out,” 

“It’s not fair!” Madi exclaimed, startling Clarke. 

“I know it’s not, but-“

“No you don’t understand!” Madi was looking at her adoptive mother now. “I’m supposed to be the one comforting you,”

Clarke sighed. Madi was so strong. Stronger than any preteen should have to be. She wasn’t surprised by Madi’s words, but still struggled with how to move forward. 

Another deep breath. 

“Madi, I love you so much,” Clarke said, her voice breaking. “I know you want to protect me, but it’s my job to protect you. I will be okay, I promise,”

“I love you, too,” Madi said, leaning forward to pull Clarke into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, Clarke,”

Clarke did her best to hold back her tears but a few began to slip out. She clung to her daughter as tight as she could. 

She had to be strong for Madi, and Octavia, and Murphy, and the others. She had to be strong for herself. She had to be strong for Bellamy. 

A few minutes passed before she was able to let go of the hug. She pressed her lips to the top of Madi’s head before pulling back, her hands still holding onto Madi’s shoulders. There was barely any light left in the bedroom but Clarke could see tears sparkling on her daughters cheeks. She wiped at them with her thumb, giving a small smile. 

“I think you should get some rest,”

“But, Clarke,” Madi began. 

“I mean it, Madi. You’ve had a very long day. When you wake up tomorrow, we’ll be starting our new life of peace,” Clarke tried to sound happy, but her trembling voice betrayed her. After all they had been through, was a peaceful life even possible? 

“Okay,” Madi sighed and shifted in her bed so she could pull the covers over herself. 

Clarke kissed Madi’s head one more time and stood up, forcing a small smile. She began to walk towards the door. Before she could leave, though, Madi called after her. 

“Where are you going to go?”

“I’m going to go for a walk, but Indra and Gaia will be right downstairs. I promise I’ll be here to wake you up tomorrow,” Clarke said over her shoulder. 

“I hope you know how much he cared about you, mom,”

Madi’s words felt like a punch to the gut, taking the breath from Clarke’s lungs. Her eyes stung at Madi calling her mom for the first time. Her eyes stung at the mention of him, too. 

“Goodnight, my love,” was all she could get out before quickly crossing the threshold and closing the door behind her. 

Gaia had tried to stop Clarke from leaving the house. She didn’t believe Clarke when she said she was fine and just going to clear her head, but Indra made her step aside. Clarke asked Gaia to keep an eye on Madi through the night and that seemed to distract her friend enough to get her off her back. She had to be alone. 

Clarke was coming up on the garage in Sanctum, not remembering how she had ended up there. Once she had left the shared house, she just started running. There was no particular direction she had in mind, just that she had to move. 

There were lights on inside but there didn’t seem to be anyone around. Clarke walked through length of the room, looking and listening to make sure she was alone before letting herself break. Sobs racked her body as she pushed her hands into her hair. She pulled at the short strands as she whimpered. 

“Dammit!” She cried. “Dammit, dammit, dammit!”

She ran to the nearest shelf and started throwing whatever she could get her hands on. Pieces of scrap metal flew around the room as she screamed in agony. She felt a piece of metal cut her hand but she kept going, destroying everything in her path. 

Once there was nothing left to throw she sunk to the ground. Black blood was pouring from her palm but all she could do was stare at it. She tried to focus on the pain coming from her cut, but nothing could mask the pain she felt in her chest. There was a void in her heart that she was sure would never be filled. She was supposed to be good at using her head but the heart she had grown to trust had stopped beating. How was she supposed to go on without her heart? 

“Clarke?”

She snapped her head around to see Octavia standing in the doorway. 

“Clarke...” Octavia started as she crossed the gap in a few quick strides. “Your hand,” she said quietly and she bent down next to Clarke. 

“It’s nothing,” Clarke said, aggressively wiping at the tears on her face. 

Without saying anything, Octavia ripped a piece of fabric from her shirt and wrapped it around Clarke’s hand. The gesture reminded her of the time Bellamy had tried to help her in the woods all those years ago. Tears began to fall again at the thought of him gently wrapping her arm in dirty cloth. 

“Clarke, you can’t do this alone,” Octavia said, leaning in close. 

Clarke thought about pushing her friend away, telling her that she was fine. But she wasn’t fine and she couldn’t hide it anymore. She tried to hide it when her father was floated, when she watched Lexa die. She tried to hide it when she was forced to kill her own mother. But losing Bellamy was her breaking point. Her family was gone now besides Madi. 

How do you go on after you lose everything? You take a breath. And then another. And another. But what if breathing isn’t enough anymore? Bellamy had said that if they were still breathing, there was still hope. But now he wasn’t there to breathe with her. 

“I loved him, Octavia,” Clarke forced out in between sobs. 

“I know you did,” she said, pulling Clarke into her lap. “He loved you too,”


End file.
